Gold Post-it

Chaos: It's Pros and Cons

2008-06-24T14:09:52Z

    It's been two weeks since my last blog entry.
    There's a cute joke about a boy who never spoke a word in his life. Resigned that their son was mute, the parents raised him accordingly. One day at age 11, while eating oatmeal for breakfast, the boy looked up at his parents and said, "The oatmeal's too cold." Astonished, his mother and father embraced him while asking, "Bobby, you can speak! Why haven't you ever said anything before." The boy looked at them nonplussed and replied, "Up until now, everything was OK."
    I wish that my absence from writing these past two weeks was that simple. Or just plain true. But, to the contrary, it was a very challenging two weeks and I simply was too busy living life to write about it. Now that things have fallen into place I can share some perspective about what chaos is and why we need it.
    While most people tend to think of chaos as a bad thing that needs to be addressed, there are actually two types: the Chaos of Change and the Chaos of Stagnation. One is highly desirable while the other just gets in the way of living life. The road to living in the positive state of the Chaos of Change runs smack through the Chaos of Stagnation. Such is the paradox of Life.
    While some of us may spend an hour or a day in the Chaos of Stagnation, most of us spend years...and some of us even an entire lifetime before we realize that the Chaos of Stagnation is a necessary condition created in order to fully move into and appreciate the Chaos of Change.
    It's the movement out of the former into the latter that's key.
    The Chaos of Stagnation is what happens when we choose complacency over conviction. When we abdicate responsibility for our own life path and instead of seizing our personal power, relinquish it to external forces..be they events or simply other people. This type of chaos ultimately leads to restlessness, unhappiness, frustration, sadness and, if not addressed, anger.
    To the contrary, the Chaos of Change is a feeling of almost unlimited potentiality. It generates an awareness of movement, engagement and exhilaration that nourishes both inspired thinking and focused action.
    Such was the awareness born of the past two weeks of my Life.
    In Neale Donald Walsh's most recent book, "Happier Than God" he posits that before we get what it is we ask of the Universe, we always get it's opposite in order to have gained perspective from which to fully appreciate what it is we had asked for when it finally arrives. Problem is, most of us give up while waiting...complaining that we didn't ask for what it is we got. Walsh suggests that when you get what it is you don't want... know that what you do want is surely on it's way. In the meantime, be grateful for it's absence, for it's absence is creating the backdrop for appreciation.
    I can now see that the Chaos of Stagnation in my life was the necessary backdrop for the Chaos of Change now upon me. I have come through the "fire swamp" so to speak (for those of you who are "Princess Bride" aficionados) and now bask in the light of unlimited potentiality known as The Chaos of Change.
    I wish you chaos in your life...yes, even the Chaos of Stagnation...as long as you use it to lead you to that pot of gold at the end of the trail... known as the Chaos of Change.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

Go Slow, Life Ahead!

2008-06-09T20:18:17Z

    I hate to be an "I told you so" but I did. As a matter of fact, I have been saying so for the past 10 years, at least. What it is that I have been saying is that the technology has outpaced our social development and that what we have created runs us..instead of the other way around. So it was no surprise to me that there it was, yesterday, on CNN's home page. TimeBanks USA, a nonprofit group that treats time as money, was created by Edgar S. Cahn, a retired 73-year-old attorney "to put the brakes on people's high-velocity lifestyles."
    It seems there's a growing awareness that all the technology has so sped up our lifestyles that we are sick of it. More accurately stated, the accelerated (and I would argue unnatural) pace of things has literally, made us sick.
    In fact, Cahn, the CEO of TimeBanks, says he "came up with the idea in 1980 after suffering a massive heart attack from a frenzied lifestyle that included being a speech writer and founder of a national legal services program and a law school." And he's not alone. The American Medical Association has shown the negative effects of stress on health. They say stress is a factor in more than 75 percent of all illness and disease today. And, stress accounts for two-thirds of family doctor visits and half the deaths to Americans under the age of 65, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
    So, why do we resist making the connection between how we live our lives and how healthy we are?
    Just today I was with a friend who has had a chronic cough for two years. The only time she was able to get relief from it, without taking three different prescription drugs, was when she restricted her sugar and wheat intake on the recommendation of a holistic practitioner. But she got bored with the diet and went back to her old eating habits and the drugs. Just recently she saw a new alternative medicine physician and he recommended a vegan diet and told her that in less than a year she would be rid of the cough and off the drugs. Now she's debating whether or not to follow the diet, knowing the drugs are bad for her liver. When I asked her what she would do if instead, the doctor had told her she had 6 months to live unless she went on a vegan diet and she said, "I'd be on it right away." Further, she went on to tell me of a female friend who recently went through a devastating financial crisis as her husband had personally pledged their home as collateral for a business expansion he was certain would pay off and instead collapsed. The young wife spent a year fighting to save her family home and finally did. Yet she remains in dire financial straights and has now come down with a muscular disease that prevents her from the most routine tasks. Countless medical doctors and as many tests have provided no clue to an origin or a cure. I wonder if any of them considered stress?
    We live at a frantic pace...out of alignment with Nature and our own bodily rhythms...pretending we don't know the cause of so much illness and disease. This is not a complicated mystery to solve. But the solution necessitates that we take a serious look at how we live our lives and how we prioritize our wants and needs.     Further, that we actually do something about what we discover.
    Books and personal accounts abound of people who have cured themselves of allegedly incurable illnesses with such means as laughter, laying down upon the earth, prayer, visualization, "energy" medicine, holistic healers...and a list that goes on and on.
    There are Laws of Nature that, when defied, wreak havoc not as punishment, but rather as an arrow pointing to a sign that says,"Your way isn't working. Try Mine." The staggering statistics of stress related illness from we humans trying to live at the pace of the technology we created is exactly that arrow pointing at that very sign.
     I am hopeful, and optimistic, that once awakened form our lethargy, we will seek out our internal rhythms and follow them back to health.
    In the meantime, back off of the technology for awhile. And if you don't want to read my blog, or anyone else's, for a week or so, well, that's just fine with me.
    Here's to your health.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

Relationship Paradox

2008-06-08T10:44:19Z

    Going through divorce is usually a private matter. I can attest to that as a former divorce lawyer. But when you write an inspirational blog, as I do, everything is "grist for the blog mill" so to speak. Having been in Court just days ago for a hearing in my divorce, I thought it important to share my insight with you.
    First, a little background.
    Much of what I have come to know, spiritually, is the result of a lifelong search to find an ever-deepening meaning to existence. Where I find myself at this point in my life along that quest is in the role of "silent witness" to all that happens to me and around me. As a silent witness, I participate in what happens while simultaneously "watching it" as well. Watching it means observing it without judgment, something a participant lacks the objectivity to do.
    So it was that yesterday I found myself both participant in a heated exchange between my husband, myself, our respective lawyers and the Court as well as a silent observer. It was really a remarkable experience for I saw, in that one moment, the irony and paradox of relationships and what gets in the way of their success.
    You see, my husband and I are getting divorced and we still love each other. The struggle for control that we are now engaged in is just a continuation of the struggle we were engaged during the marriage. The realization I had sitting in that Courtroom was that both the struggle and the love are necessary components of oneness...of unity. Where so many relationships go awry is seeing these components as separate. And it's the perception of separateness that actually creates the separateness and estrangement that leads to divorce.
    Anything that grows creates stress points that are the inevitable result of expansion. Relationships are no different. As they change, stress points are created that arise in the form of conflict.
    The key to understanding and navigating the paradox of relationships is to know that both the struggle and the love are natural and necessary components of the same process and to also know that you cannot have one without the other. To not get so caught up in winning the battle or trying to control the outcome that you lose sight of the ever-present love. And, of course, to allow them both to flourish.
    It may be too late for my husband and me but perhaps not for you.

REMEMBER to click hereto download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

Heartfelt Compassion

2008-06-06T16:43:48Z

    Six months, ago while driving in my car, I saw a cat in the middle of the road that had obviously been recently struck by a passing car. I made a U-turn, put my emergency flashers on, gently picked up the body, and walked to the nearest house to try and find its owner. The house I knocked on happened to be it's home. It turned out that the cat had gotten out of the house without it's owner's realizing it. Sadly, it was dead.
    Yesterday CNN and other news agencies reported that a 78-year-old Hartford, Connecticut man was struck by two passing cars who were 'chasing' each other. Neither driver stopped. As the man lay critically injured in the street, a video camera memorialized passersby on foot and in their cars observing the man but making no effort to assist him...not even calling 911. They just looked and went on their way.
    I set forth both instances not because I want to praise my actions and condemn theirs, but rather to simply explain why I did what I did.
    In my reality, we are all connected. "All" means not only humans, but every living thing regardless of it's position on the evolutionary chain. Believing this in my heart, as I do, I could no more fail to assist any living person or thing in need than I would fail to get myself assistance if I were injured. There is simply no distinction between the two. In fact, it is the making of distinction that creates so much apathy and indifference in the world.
    What happened in Hartford, ...the apathy, indifference and just plain callousness of the witnesses and bystanders...may have multiple origins. It may be as I have stated above, or it may be the result of so much excessive violence through various forms of media to which we are all exposed that has hardened our hearts, or it may have been fright that the man (who is Hispanic) is an illegal alien and no one wanted to create more trouble...or yet some other reason I have not thought of.
    Regardless of what the origin of the lack of action and the withholding of assistance, it is a troublesome warning light that went off in Hartford. It says more about us than perhaps we want to know. It says we lack compassion, are disconnected from our humanity, and have lost sight of how interconnected and interdependent in relation to one another we are. I say "we" because I am that man who was left to die and I am each of those people who failed to act, just as I was that cat.
    Perhaps that's a perspective we could all benefit from.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

Obama and Clinton on Truth

2008-06-02T16:45:48Z

    I tend to think of the whole political landscape as a sort of hologram where what is actually going on at any given point in time depends on where you're standing. Which is why in trying to write an inspirational blog I often stay away from the topic. But two political events in the past week offer such clear insight into the need for honesty that I can't resist going there.
    First, there was Hillary Clinton's decision to bypass campaigning in Michigan and Florida because those states had decided to move up their primary election day against the wishes of the Democratic National Committee. So while she bypassed campaigning in those states, she deliberately kept her name on the ballot in order to later demand the inclusion of those votes when she was trailing behind Barack Obama in accumulating delegate votes. Which is exactly what she has done.
    So Ms. Clinton was more about the appearance of truthfulness rather than truthfulness itself.
    But in order for her lack of ethics to not stand alone, Barack Obama provides us with another example of how "what I say only means what I say as long as I want it to and then it means something else."
    In April, Mr. Obama said, in a much praised speech given at the Constitution Center in Philadelphia, that he could "no more abandon Reverend Wright than I could abandon the black community." One month later, he has not only abandoned Reverend Wright, he has now also abandoned the entire Trinity Church of Christ at which he and his wife attended and prayed for the past 20 years.
    The hate speech and bigotry spewed from the pulpit of Trinity Church which was previously acceptable to Mr. Obama and his wife, and from which they refused to disavow themselves, is now suddenly unacceptable. It's so unacceptable that they are walking away as fast and as completely as they can.
    So what's true?
    I think only one thing is absolutely certain relative to both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and that is political expediency. They will both say whatever they have to, and do whatever they must, to reach their goal. The end justifies the means.
    Now we cannot change how they choose to live their lives or shape their characters. But we are none-the-less left with two choices we must make.
    The first is whether or not to vote for someone who exemplifies blatant dishonesty. This is not an easy question to answer, especially if you don't want to vote for John McCain. And I have no easy answer for this one.
    The second choice we have is more clear cut and under our control.
    If we are so offended by manipulation of the truth by others to achieve their desired goals, then we must be diligent in behaving otherwise in our own lives. Although it isn't always the office of the Presidency of the United States that is at stake, whatever the matter and whatever the stake, we must come from a place of truthfulness. It all begins with us.
    I believe we get the leaders we deserve. So, if we are not scrupulous in being honest in our own dealings, we cannot expect to see reflected in our leaders otherwise.
    Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama present us with a choice that is much more important to the future than who is the Democratic Presidential nominee in 2008. They present us with the opportunity to turn within and elevate our own behavior and commitment to what is true and what is good and what is in the best interest of our highest selves.
    Let's thank them both for such an obvious display of what not to choose.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

Respectfully, Barbara Walters

2008-05-26T13:42:48Z

    On a flight to Florida this past week I was reading an excerpt from Barbara Walters autobiography Audition and came across the most glaring example of self-deception I've encountered in a long time. Reflecting on her shock and disappointment with Dick Wald, Chairman on NBC, who apparently failed to support her retention with the Today Show when ABC was bidding to woo her away, Ms. Walters stated the basis for her disappointment as follows:

    "Years before, we had snuck [sic] out of an NBC Christmas party on a clandestine romp to see Deep Throat, the much-talked-about porn film. I liked, trusted and respected him and I thought he liked, trusted and respected me." [emphasis added]

    Apparently, on reflection, Ms. Walters believes a former clandestine meeting to watch porn a reliable basis for a lifelong relationship from which she could anticipate not only genuine friendship but also loyalty.
    Is it just me or is there something fatally flawed in her thinking?
    They left a Christmas party to watch porn. Now I'm a Jew so I could be mistaken, but isn't Christmas the season people try and connect with their higher selves...with all that is good and decent in humankind? And isn't "Christmas porn" not only an oxymoron but a mockery of the inherent dignity of humankind? OK, forget humankind. How about a mockery of the inherent dignity of women? Of all that is divinely feminine?
    The issue of importance here goes well beyond Ms. Walters personal moral code. That is for her to define and for her to live.
    What's to be learned from Ms. Walters shock and disappointment isn't unique to her. We each have a tendency to bend the rules when they apply to us while using a higher, less flexible standard when applying them to someone else. I am certain that Ms Walters, if asked on her television show, The View, would decry the behavior of Elliot Spitzer or any other person of similar lapses in judgment and yet she cannot see her own.
    We each sometimes act as if there is no "boomerang" effect and we can, in fact, send out contaminated energy and somehow miraculously receive it back purified and cleansed. Further, we see in ourselves and others that which we wish to see rather than what is. And it's from this idealized version that we expect right behavior when it's needed. The reality is that we get what we get from who one chooses to be...not from whom we fantasize them to be.
    I am not saying that had Ms. Walters not ducked out of that Christmas party years prior to go watch a porn movie with her male acquaintance that he would have stepped up and been there for her years later in her time of need. What I am saying is that to be shocked that he had no moral core or that how they began their relationship was a foundation built upon an integrity of spirit to be relied upon is to delude only herself.
    The lesson is to always come from the highest good possible and to be honest about what that is. And if, in hindsight, we fall short in reviewing ourselves or others, to remember that hindsight is 20/20...not rose-colored.
    There are Universal Laws.
    Energy begets like energy and consequences follow actions.
    At these we should feign no surprise.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

The Power of Certainty

2008-05-15T21:46:47Z

   I'm reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.
      It's not the first time.
      I read it about once every decade as it's a great barometer against which to measure where I am in the evolution of my own consciousness. Presently, I find myself pushed to nearly the breaking point by her merciless objectivism and dismissal of all things related to human emotion. I seem able to endure this aspect of her writing, however, because I am simultaneously nourished (it's the only word I can think of to describe the fullness and satisfaction I feel) by the unwavering integrity of her male and female protagonists...Howard Roark and Dominique Francon.
    These two characters also suffer from this emotional detachment that runs through all of Rand's writings. But, what they may lack in emotion they more than make up for in their dedication, almost obsession, to what they perceive to be the highest good. It is their certainty that is so compelling...not just for the way it impacts the tenor of the novel, but also the reader. Howard Roark and Dominique Francon don't know what the word compromise means. On second thought, they have no such word in their reality. Their every breath, thought and physical movement is in alignment with, and in support of, living a Life that refuses to be anything other than fully present and fully engaged in manifesting greatness
    So here's the irony of Rand.
    She despises small, insincere people who espouse an allegiance to the highest good yet act in ways that pray at the altar of mediocrity. She admires people who refuse to participate in such a fraud and, instead, are willing to face the inevitable aloneness and ostracism that follow from independence of thought. But while she mocks emotion in reverence to the rational mind, it is the passion and certainty of Roark and Francon that captivate Rand and makes them so appealing to me.
    In the world of moral relativism in which we now live, it's the passion, the certainty and the courageous aloneness without loneliness of these characters that truly inspires.
    Truth is different for each of us. But the power that drives one to achieve the pinnacle of one's own truth is the certainty of the intention combined with the passion to pursue that intention regardless of the cost.
    This, ironically, is what drives Islamic extremism and provides it it's successes. There is certainty and passion in infinite measure behind the movement of such fundamentalism, while we in the West have certainty and passion about little other than maintaining our materialism. And so we get that which we pursue with certainty and passion.
    If we would just redirect these same energies toward peace, or healing the Earth, or even one another...there would be many more Howard Roarks and Dominique Francons beyond the pages of The Fountainhead and, I suspect, the witnessing of the harnessing of True Power for the highest good of all concerned.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

The Gift of Self-Knowledge

2008-05-09T19:04:53Z

    Having "officiated" at so many divorces (I'm a former divorce lawyer) it's easy to think you know it all, or at least have seen and heard it all, which should likely make you smarter than the average consumer.
    Not so as I recently found out.
    You see, I'm going through my own divorce and had to retain a lawyer. While it's true that intellectually I could represent myself, emotionally it's not a very bright thing to do. There are just too many emotions in play when it's this close to home. Having created and marketed my own DVD for women going through divorce, I was certain that I knew what to look for. I had actually taught women how to hire a lawyer! While it's true that it might have been easier had this all occurred in Pennsylvania where I used to practice, we had moved to New Jersey a few years ago and I really didn't know much about local lawyers. So, in a sense, I was having to make my decision as would anyone seeking to hire a lawyer.
    I thought I chose wisely. Turns out, not so much.
    Within a very short period of time (less than two months) I knew with certainty that this person (and his associate) were not for me. Technically, I think they are not for anybody. They were egotistical, non-responsive, poor listeners and costly. I was continually stressed by not only the dissolution of my marriage and the divorce process, but by my lawyers as well.
    So I fired them and felt great...even before I had found another lawyer. Which is the point of this story.
    How I felt.
    I often write and speak about how our hearts are the real internal guidance system we are born with, not our brains. It's our emotions that most accurately guide us when we are properly attuned and responsive to their call. I hired those lawyers from my mind. I fired them from my heart.
    Here's the irony and the paradox.
    When I was represented by this well known and well respected lawyer I was uncomfortable, in constant need of correcting his errors and generally feeling unsafe. When I fired him, I felt great. I actually felt as if a weight had been lifted off of me. So there I was, in the middle of a divorce,unrepresented and feeling great! My emotional Self was signaling me that I had done the right thing. Taken the right step. Intellectually and objectively I was suddenly, and seemingly, worse off. Emotionally and subjectively I was soaring to new heights.
    There are two teachings here.
    The first is that no matter how much information and knowledge you acquire through study and second-hand sources, it's never the same as having the experience yourself.
    The second is that while a mind is a generous gift given us by Creator, the wisdom necessary to live Your Highest Good comes from the heart.
    Finally, because I wouldn't want to leave you wondering about the outcome, let me tell you about my new lawyer.
    He met me on a Sunday night at his office because he knew I was in need of making a decision. He listened, he understood Who I Am with little explanation, he had his own stories of charitable representation as I had in the days of my practicing law, and he is a man of his word.
    I go about my daily Life now attending to things of importance, virtually unconcerned and not distracted by the divorce and it's potential drama because in my heart I know I've got the right lawyer.
    Literally...in my heart.

REMEMBER to click hereto download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

After The Rain

2008-05-01T16:48:10Z

    If you've ever been aware of how the sky looks and the air feels just before and after a rain storm you'll appreciate what I'm about to say.
    The news continues to be troublesome on it's face. A perverse father who imprisons and rapes his own daughter, a political campaign that looks like it has no end in sight, continually escalating oil and food prices and rising unemployment, just to name a few. These are what we awaken to each day. It might just be enough to depress you.
    But wait a minute.
    Where else in Life, or Nature, can you find change that hasn't been preceded and accompanied by, growing pains? Isn't that what we're experiencing? So many commentators and "doomsdayers" (or should I say "Armageddonites") want to point to all the stressors and hold up the mirror of fear and destruction. Surely, they point out, with all the bad news (and as they see it prophetic events) The End is surely near.
    Not as I see it.
    What I see are the natural byproducts of transition. Growth pushes against restrictive boundaries and throws off waste. That's how it happens. Further, I see not a transition for the worse but rather a transition for the highest good for all concerned.
    Why?
    Because the way we were living and the values we prized had ceased to serve our progress. We had become accustomed to stagnation and mediocrity in our lives. We had our values and priorities upside down. We were numbed by the technology and the media's repetition of violent reporting and images to how much pain there is in the world. We had spiritually lost out way.
    Yesterday I received an e-mail from a young man in upstate NY who is a trader on Wall Street who wrote that he was depressed and unmotivated because he was "having his first bad year in the stock market, ever. And it's been raining here for 3 days." Pain, as the Buddhist's say, "isn't meant to cause us suffering. It's meant to wake us up." And so all this "suffering" we're experiencing is a gift to re-focus us on the Present, on what matters.
    I e-mailed the young man back and said that Life was trying to teach him something about worry and materialism. I suggested that perhaps he needed a "rinsing off" and that he should go out and run in the rain...to experience what was Present in his life.
    I have a lot more I could say on this topic but the sun just broke through the clouds and I'm going out for a walk.
    Perhaps first I need to get a little heated up.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

Lessons From Reverend Wright

2008-04-30T09:05:51Z

    We, The People, owe a debt of gratitude to the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. He has, by example, unveiled an important Truth for us.
    For the past 20 years or so, Reverend Wright has held a position of prominence within his Church and within the African-American community in general. As a result of Barack Obama's campaign for the Presidency, Reverend Wright began to take on yet greater prominence, culminating in his speech before the National Press Club in Washington, D.C. this week. The content and delivery of that speech brings to light a Truth so fundamental as not to be ignored.

          Ego is an addiction to the misuse of power.

    Reverend Wright just couldn't stop himself. As Obama's spiritual mentor, he was given an opportunity by way of friendship and Fate to have the eyes and ears of America, perhaps the world, upon him. He had an opportunity to speak Truth to Power in a humble and poignant way. He failed miserably because Ego (and it's operating principal that "more is never enough") is an addiction to the relentless accumulation and exercise of power. In his failure to recognize the danger of the path he chose to pursue, Reverend Wright has been consumed in the burning fire of his own ego.
    Along with the felling of that tree, he may just have taken down the whole forest.
    Which may be a good thing.
    Barack Obama has finally "disavowed" himself from Reverend Wright and what the Reverend espouses. But Obama's action, taken so late in the game, raises disturbing questions about the candidate's veracity and judgment. Yesterday, as I watched various videos on-line of Obama's efforts to distance himself from the spectacle and hatred spewed by Reverend Wright, I had an overriding impression that will not leave me.
    My impression was, and remains, that the candidate is in over his head.
    I am not ready to judge Barack Obama and find him a liar as some now do. I am not prepared to conclude that he always knew who Reverend Wright was, condoned his hate speech, and turned a blind eye accordingly. That now, with so much at stake and Reverend Wright's unrestrained behavior, Obama has no choice but to say "this is not the man I met 20 years ago." I don't think Obama is malevolent.
    What I observed is that Barack Obama seemed genuinely shocked and confused by his mentor's behavior. He had the look and demeanor of one who is betrayed by his best friend. Obama could not look the camera, or the American public, in the eye as he severed that 20 year relationship before the world.
    I don't think Barack Obama is a liar. I think he has a good heart, I think he is naive. I think he does not know himself all that well and, as a result, does not assess others all that well either.
    Because I think character assessment and good judgment are mandatory qualities and necessary qualifications for the Presidency, I think he is not ready to be President of the United States.
    We owe Reverend Wright a debt of gratitude for his gift. Let's not devalue what he has given us by ignoring it.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "TOO MANY SECRETS."

Digging for Good

2008-04-28T16:45:36Z

         A 73-year-old father in Austria imprisoned and held hostage his 18- year-old-daughter in the basement of his home for 24 years repeatedly raping her and fathering at least 7 children with her, many of whom were born in captivity and never saw the light of day until freed by authorities this week.
    Sometimes it's harder than other times to find the positive message in a story.
    It really challenges the rational mind and the loving heart to make any sense of this barbarous and heinous act. I am certain lawyers and psychologists will plead insanity or incapacity or some "Twinkie-like" defense (I'm a former practicing lawyer) but the woman and mother in me can find no justification sufficient to relieve this man of the burden of responsibility for his choices. Twenty-four years is a long, long time. Both the extent and complexity of his ongoing scheme necessitated repeated intent and knowing, willful behavior. Whether Austrian law will dictate the death penalty or his remaining years imprisoned without parole, one or the other is the rightful outcome.
    But can we take anything away from this nightmare that can be of service to us? I think so.
    It's a reminder about the value of human life and, particularly, the value of and dignity due the lives of women. In too many cultures, ours included, we still send messages both overtly and covertly that it's OK to objectify women, to think of them as property. And while we've come a long way, we've a long way to go.
    Recently separated, I had my own two experiences of late. The first was at a restaurant/bar where, after accepting a dance with a man, he proceeded to "steer" me off the dance floor by repeatedly touching me...as if I could not get to where I was headed without his assistance. I don't really think that was his intent. I think he was claiming some level of ownership in relation to the other men around. He was saying, "This is mine so I can touch it." The second happened days later when I met my estranged husband in a public place to discuss the terms of our separation. As we were entering the Barnes and Noble book store, he slapped me on the rear end and said, "Well, you won't be on waiver long." And while he was, in his own mind, "complimenting" me for how I looked, he was also assuming he had the right to touch me without my consent.
    I can take care of myself and let both men know they were over the line. But here's the point.
    When you live in a society that markets sex and objectifies women in the media while still turning a somewhat blind eye to sexual harassment in the workplace, there is the tacit sanctioning of devaluing an entire gender. Once this happens, it becomes a slippery slope.
    I'm not saying that the average man is capable of the despicable acts performed by this sick "father" in Austria. Nor am I absolving women of our responsibility of knowing when a line is crossed and the need to speak out arises.
    What I am saying, however, is that the bar needs to be set very high when it comes to honoring human dignity, regardless of gender, and the burden is on each of us to lend our strength to seeing that the bar never falters.

REMEMBER to click hereto download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

Navigating Change

2008-04-24T09:45:59Z

    Yesterday I once again spoke to about 450 high-school-age students about depression and suicide. While those subjects are the groundwork for my presentation, I really talk to them about a way of life I have discovered that works for me. It's all about being in pursuit of your own inner truth and using your own inner guidance to get there. Along the way, I've learned how to deal with the inevitable pain we humans experience around resistance and change, as well as how I get through difficult times.
    It was a very timely presentation as I've recently had my share of unanticipated changes and the pain that accompanies them...so yesterday I happened to be living not only the opportunity pass on what I perceive to be pearls of wisdom..but also to walk my talk.
    Life has a way of doing that, you know. Just when you think you have something figured out, in theory, Life steps in and says, "OK, now let's just see how that works for you." And usually, the actual experience of living your talk is accompanied by yet another and deeper understanding that only walking the talk can provide.
    Such was the case yesterday.
    After detailing for these young adults how our thoughts create the way we feel, and if you feel badly...change your thought, I came home at the end of the day to receive yet another piece of disappointing news. Just one more atop the heap that has lately piled up. Then, before I realized it, I was knee deep in thinking about all the stress in my life and how in the world was I going to manage it?
    Taking my own advice, I began to change my thoughts.
    Slowly, I let go of the worrying about how I'd manage all of the stress and began to think instead of all the good that's in my life. The shift from how to manage the future to instead appreciating the present made a perceptible change in the way I felt. It allowed me to release the worry and embrace the gratitude. My spirits were lifted and suddenly all that worry and stress seemed much less important. After all, the resolution of it all would unfold, of it's own accord, in some future time. But since it wasn't in the moment, why bother?
    Now up to this point in my story I pretty much already knew how to apply that technique, if you will. It was what came next that was the extra, added insight.
    When you bring yourself truly present in you Life, you don't suddenly become at peace with the world or morph into some joy-filled Being. However, what you do become is more seated in your own power. The effect of taking control of you thoughts and denying your mind the power to control you, actually empowers you in way that transcends your mind. It connects you with the Source of All That Is and thereby allows you to experience the true power of Co-Creation. After all, if you are the creator rather than the victim of your experience, you get to design the experience as well as the outcome. When you actually do this, there is a quiet knowing that builds upon itself and instills within you a new level of certainty in your own ability to handle all that comes your way.
   I woke up this morning and still have the issues to deal with that were in front of me yesterday. But I've added strength to the muscle of certainty that I can deal with them whenever and wherever they show up while enjoying myself in the meantime.
   It's like having a personal trainer for you Soul.
   And it's cost effective.
   My ex-husband pays $90 an hour for a personal trainer at his gym.
   Mine is free...and I have access to it no matter where I am.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Mnay Secrets."

The Passover, The Pope, The Pain and The Purpose

2008-04-20T21:19:10Z

    There are no accidents.
    Sunday was the first day of Passover, the Jewish Holy Day celebrating the Exodus from Egypt. It was also the day Pope Benedict XVI choose to hold a papal mass at Yankee stadium and visit the site of the World Trade Center destruction.
    I think the coinciding of those two events deserves a closer look.
    The "Haggadah", the annual retelling of the story of the release of the Jewish people from servitude to Pharaoh, holds an important message...albeit not the one usually recalled. It's really a story about the seductive ease with which we humans relinquish our sovereignty in exchange for some material comfort and the "luxury" of not thinking for ourselves. It's about the price we pay in handing over our God-given freedom of choice to people with apparent power. It's about the courage of a few, in the face of the many, to be absolutely steadfast about what is the highest good for all concerned.
    The interesting aspect of the Haggadah is that it instructs us to recount it each year on the first night of Passover in the present tense...not as an historical recollection...but as an experience we are having in present time. Why?
    Because we humans are so susceptible to forgetting and backsliding that even when we "get it"...we're likely to "for-get it" almost as quickly. The vulnerabilities and challenges of the ancient Hebrews were no different than our own. And just as they forgot where they were headed, and why, as soon as Moses was a little late in returning, so too we forget the "what" and "why" of our own journeys when our anticipated outcomes are delayed.
    So what's this all got to do with the Pope and pain?
    The First Seder was the Last Supper. Our faiths are inextricably bound by common origin and shared heritage. The message of Jesus I find of utmost impkrtance is his refusal to bend his own values and truth to the will of those with apparent power. He chose to die rather than to be enslaved.
    The realities that clashed and imploded on September 11, 2001 were each stunning examples of the destruction that can be wrought by those with apparent power. On the one hand there were the energies of the Islamists, the radical Muslim fundamentalists who seek to enslave the world through terror and dogma. On the other hand were the energies of Western materialism, which seek to enslave through egocentric values and the worship of materialism. The collision of all that misdirected energy resulted in massive pain and suffering.
    Pain is the result of being "off course." Whether it's emotional, physical, or spiritual...pain's purpose exists to wake us up to the reality that something we are doing, or a way in which we are being, is out of balance with the highest good. The pain occurs to bring us present in order that we may correct our own course.
    There it is. The Passover, the Pope, the pain, and the purpose.
    Let us take all the suffering, the falling economy, the political instability, the uncertainty, and the doubt that is swirling around the planet and begin to correct our own course. We need not compromise our higher selves for a little shelter and some more "stuff." We need no leaders with apparent power to tell us what, in our hearts, we know to be true.
    When you fail to exercise your own power, there is always someone waiting to enslave you to the exercise of their own. True power is your birthright. It comes from within. It's exhibited and made manifest through living your own truth. It cannot be purchased but it can be given away in a heartbeat.
    Value your most prized possession for what it is and let your pain guide you to your purpose.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

Know What You Value

2008-04-17T08:24:46Z

    Recently I've had the opportunity to enter into negotiations with someone I have known for quite some time. It's a fascinating educational experience and, it turns out, a significant life lesson. The teaching is around the importance of shared values in reaching a common goal. I think what I'm learning says a lot about not only my particular situation, but conflict in general.
    Given the abundance of conflict in the world I'd like to pass my understanding forward.
    It's only natural that where there's conflict, efforts to resolve it will necessarily involve differing or opposing views. This, of course, is the basis for all conflict. Where we get tripped up is in assuming that the opposing view is founded upon the same core values that we hold. Proceeding from this misguided belief, we further assume that sooner or later, with enough effort, we can guide the opposing view to see it more our way. In certain situations, this may even be possible.
    Where the difficulty comes in is where the opposing view can't possibly see it your way as your way originates upon not only a different view but also a different value.
    Example.
    You are negotiating terms and come to a mutual understanding of what that term should look like. You move on, believing that issue resolved. When later, the opposing party speaks and acts in a way that is in direct contradiction to the agreed upon term, and you bring it to their attention, their reply is that "they changed their mind" and intend to proceed as they see fit in the moment...regardless of what was previously agreed upon. Now it's no longer a difference of opinion...now it's a matter of a different value. One of you values agreements and integrity. The other values self-interest and expediency.
    What to do when values differ and are irreconcilable?
    I'm not totally sure.
    I do know the first step to resolution is to be realistic about where the conflict really exists. It runs much deeper than the circumstances when values differ. Perhaps knowing this, and accepting this, is a major step toward resolution in and of itself.
    I think another important piece is releasing any illusion that the opposition is going to remotely see things your way. By taking that step, it may free you up to settle the superficial conflict and walk away from the underlying one.
    The key is to be clear about which conflict you're negotiating.
    If you miss the fact that there is a fundamental and critical divergence of values you may waste a lot of time and energy trying to move the mountain...when all that is required in order to move on is the shuffling around of a little loose dirt.
    I hope this helps.
    I'm still unraveling it myself.

Remember to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

If You're Not Bill and Melinda Gates

2008-04-15T09:33:35Z

    CNN is reporting that according to Jeffrey Sachs, Director of the Columbia University Earth Institute, the "biggest story" in the world is the escalating price of grain and the resulting riots taking place from "Haiti to Bangladesh to Egypt." The story further goes on to say that Robert Zoellick, President of the World Bank, says that "soaring prices could mean seven lost years in the fight against world poverty."
    I am struck by the Zoellick quote as it's a mere five days until Passover, the Jewish Holiday that commemorates the Exodus from Egypt. Remember, that nation where Joseph, a Jew, ruled as Viceroy to Pharaoh because Pharaoh had a dream that only Joseph could interpret. His interpretation? Seven years of plenty followed by seven years of famine. His suggestion? Stock up while the gettin's good. It was later in that same unfolding of history that Passover commemorates the going out, the Exodus, from Egyptian bondage to freedom in the Promised Land.
    Now I may be mixing some apples and oranges here...or not. But it seems to me that while history often repeats itself, so do spiritually based events where we have failed to learn the higher lesson.
    So here's my take on all of this.
    We, the United States, the World, had it's "seven years of plenty" and instead of stocking up, we super-consumed or squandered our plenty. Now, it looks like seven years of famine and the granaries are empty. Or maybe the grain is just being controlled by those who profit off of such matters.
    The point is that reliance on the "Egypt" of today, all those oil rich countries to which we pay homage because we're addicted to "the way we've always done things" has created the mess that is now unfolding around us. Kabbalah, mystical Judaism, teaches that the Egypt of the Old Testament was not an actual nation but rather a "level of consciousness" to which the people had descended in their obsession with ego and materialism.
    If we are there again, what can each of us do if we're not Bill and Melinda and have no charitable foundation from which to throw billions at the problem? Well, maybe not much in the way of dollars. But the problem didn't happen overnight and neither will the solution. So work with what you have.
    You have compassion, prayer and the ability to change the way you value, and therefore treat, the planet, it's resources and it's inhabitants. You have the freedom to want less and use less. You have to think about whether that next purchase is necessary or habitual. Before you throw something away you have to first ask if someone else might need what it is you're discarding and if the answer is "likely yes" then you have to take the time and make the effort to get that item to where it can be of help. You have to change the way you are living to consume less and contribute more.
    Not more money. More conscious behavior around the idea that we are All One and what is happening in Haiti or Bangladesh or Egypt is happening to a part of You.
    Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. It's not just a cute self-help phrase. It's physics. And we live in the physic-al world. So we really can make a difference by how we see things and how we act upon that vision.
    I'll be celebrating Passover this weekend. Judaism demands that every year we treat the Seder meal as we recount the Exodus from slavery to freedom, as if it's actually happening to us in real time. The last line in the Seder that's repeated each year is "Next Year in Jerusalem."
    Here's a new twist.
    This year we can be of higher consciousness.
    This year we can avoid past mistakes.
    This year we can trade in ego and materialism for compassion and service.
    This year around the world.

Remember to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

Paradoxically Speaking

2008-04-13T20:05:31Z

       This is personal. It's also important. I'm in the middle of a divorce. Anyone who's ever been here, and probably most people who haven't, can likely imagine that it's an incredibly difficult and painful experience. After all, don't all the "experts" agree that other than losing a loved one through death, it's the most difficult loss a person will ever go through? Well, it's true. And it hurts, even though I initiated it.
    Maybe.
    I say maybe because I'm living through layers upon layers of this experience and coming to know that All is Paradox and the real question is "How does one want to experience Paradox?"
    Allow me to explain.
    Divorce is like grieving. It has many stages and, like grieving, we are free to stop at any stage along the way without completing the process and thereby choosing to not heal the wounded heart. The first stage is denial. The second stage blame. The third frustration. The fourth anger. The fifth sadness. The sixth fear. The seventh forgiveness. The eighth is acceptance. The ninth Love.
    How can the last stage of divorce be Love?
    Because only Love is real.
    Within all the need for growth that draws people together...and after all the fear that drives them apart...is simply the Love that exists underneath because everything that has occurred or ever will between two people occurs within the truth that There Is Only One of Us.
    Here's the Paradox.
    Even when we must part from another, through death or divorce or whatever the cause may be, that parting is simply the creation of more space between different parts of a unified whole. No matter how far apart the distance ever appears to be, it is impossible to move beyond the boundary which is Love...for it is Everywhere to Infinity.
    All that is and ever will be is Love.
    All the space that ever existed...all the time that was ever created by distance...are born of Love.
    And to Love they must return.
    We get it. My husband and I are ending our relationship with our lawyers and coming together in Love to resolve the Paradox ourselves. We love one another yet cannot seem to live together now. We need more space to fully grow into ourselves.         Therefore, we will co-create this ending, and new beginning, in Love.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

In Service or Enslaved?

2008-04-09T21:18:51Z

    I once studied with a spiritual teacher who suggested to me that when I see something in a store that I want to buy I should go away, even if for no longer than it takes to walk around the block, then return and decide if I still want it. He said to do otherwise, to buy in the moment of desire, is to be bought by the object of your desire. "Without reflection, you will never own it," he warned. "It will always own you."
    I recalled his teaching in recent days as I continue to listen to all the dire economic news and predictions of the decreasing value of the U.S. dollar's purchasing power. No doubt we are moving into times of economic restraint. I think it's a good thing.
    Why?
    Because we Americans love to consume. We love it so much that, somewhere along the way to Now, we lost all perspective and jumbled our priorities. We became, as my spiritual teacher so presciently warned, enslaved to the very act of "having." It is my experience that we can either be enslaved to the outer life, with it's web of desires, or in service to Our Higher Selves.
    When enslaved to the outer life of desire, "more" is never enough...as a dear friend used to be fond of saying. When either the sheer accumulation of material things, or the quest for fame, is both the motivating force as well as the goal, there is no amount of materialism or notoriety that can satisfy the hunger. For it is a hunger. It is a misunderstood need, and futile effort, to close a gap that can only be closed in service to others.
    It is the difference between lust and love. In lust, we cannot get enough. In love, we cannot give enough. Which is why all the great spiritual Masters have tried to teach this Universal Truth. Which leads me to another of my spiritual teacher's sayings.
    "Fake it 'til you make it."
    If you have been enslaved, as so many of us are, to wanting and getting and having... it will not be automatic, or necessarily easy, to shift to a mindset of giving. It may be even more difficult to believe that through giving of yourself you will become more satisfied and more enlivened that ever before in your life. So, this is where "faking it" comes into play. Proceeding on blind faith, give anyway. Give without reservation of your time, your money, your love. Give until you don't have to think about giving but have simply become giving. Then you will have moved past faking it and genuinely arrived at the purpose of All Life.
    Give as the Sun gives without thought, question or expectation.
    Then, perhaps the next time you're in a store and see something you want to buy, you'll take that walk around the block...think of someone or something in need...and find that you'd rather spend yourself in service than find yourself enslaved.

Remember to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

Equal Unemployment Opportunity

2008-04-07T19:44:47Z

    The economic news has almost everybody talking about recession. Last month alone 80,000 people lost their jobs. Oil prices keep climbing with no end in sight. And the U.S. dollar continues to lose it's value. What's a person to do?
    I was pondering this very question today when two stories came to mind.
    One is about Alan Greenspan. As a youth, he was a musician who sought to make his livelihood playing in a band. Trouble was, the band had another member who was so good at the saxophone that Greenspan instinctively knew he'd never make it. Preempting the inevitable, he dropped out, went back to college, got his degree, and went on to advise four United States Presidents over a 20 year period as Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board.
    The other story is about Lisa Scottaline. Lisa was a practicing criminal defense lawyer for a large law firm in Philadelphia, married, literally having just delivered her first child when her husband walked into the hospital room and told her he was leaving her for another woman. Lisa quit the firm to stay home with the baby, used up her savings, was $30,000 in credit card debt when she began writing fiction for lack of what to do at home. Today, Lisa is one of the best known and most successful authors of legal fiction in the U.S.
    So why did these stories come to mind contemplating what appears to be weak economic news?
    The answer is that whether it's the economy, or not enough talent for a desired goal, or an uncaring husband...every life change is an opportunity and a gift if only you use it to be the best you can be. Sure, we all have set ideas about how things are going to work out. Sometimes, they do. Most often, they don't. Most often, Life unfolds with unforeseen twists and turns that ask of us that we be flexible and creative but most importantly, trusting. The real issue, after all, is "Can you trust that within every occurrence, no matter how unfathomable on it's surface, there exists within it the potential for the highest good for all concerned?"
    Yes. I said potential.
    Nowhere is there a guarantee that the outcome will, in fact, be the highest good. That's up to you and me. We get to decide how we'll handle what comes our way. It's called Free Will. Free will is nothing more than freedom of choice. Do you choose to wallow in the muck of what appears to be adversity or do you rise up and seize the moment to propel you and those around you to higher ground?
    Alan Greenspan could have spent his life playing second fiddle (no pun intended) to that other very talented young man in the band...who, as it turned out, was Stan Getz (for those of you old enough to remember a musical giant). Lisa Scottaline could have left her daughter with daycare and kept practicing law, remaining bitter towards men. And every one of the 80,000 people laid off last month has the same choice. They can wallow or rise up.
    I never write in a vacuum...or espouse anything I do not truly feel. I am in the middle of a divorce and, therefore, in need of increased income. But not for one moment do I ever think that it's all bad luck and what, pray tell, will become of me.
    Deep down at the core of my Being is a knowing that I am in the middle of a miraculous opportunity that holds the potential for gaining wisdom and achievement beyond my imagination.
    I have neither the time nor the inclination to wallow.
    I'm too busy heading for higher ground.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

Critic's Choice

2008-04-02T20:33:36Z

    I received an interesting comment to Gold Post It today. It was from a man who had "bookmarked" my blog and had apparently been reading it daily. He said that he had done so because of my "pithy" style of writing. However, he was quite put off by a recent blog in which I made the observation that my soon-to-be-ex-husband doesn't have a friend.
    The reader shared with me his opinion that of course, "everyone has a friend" so I must therefore be bitter. He further concluded that my bitterness is coloring my perception and causing me to be "out of touch." He informed me that he is removing the bookmark and plans never to read my blog again.
    Wow. I must have touched a nerve.
    However, as with every other topic that I write about, I will try and find the highest good for all concerned in this occurrence as well.
    First, his reaction.
    I think that whenever we feel the need to make someone or something either all "good" or all "bad"...well, apart from the separation we cause by "judging"...there's the whole issue of denying that there's anything at all to be gained or learned...even in the face of some aspects that may not be to our liking.
    I prefer to take the Zen approach that the Buddha could be your grandmother cooking chicken soup at the stove...so be aware because you never know where help, or wisdom, may come from.
    Obviously this reader has, until recently, enjoyed the way I see things, or at least the way I express myself in relating how I see things. So maybe my substance, or perhaps my style, caused him to think in a new way or in a way that enlivened him.
    But not any more.
    Simply because he read an observation of mine with which he disagrees he needs to make me "wrong", "bitter" and "out of touch." There is no room in his reality for others with whom he disagrees. Certainly his choice to make.
    I suspect it can get mighty lonely in there.
    As for my observation about my husband. I stand by it's accuracy. I have 16 years of first-hand experience to back it up. But here's the thing. I wasn't judging him.
    The observation was made in the context of a blog about the priceless benefit of surrounding ourselves with friends whose values and behavior support the highest good in us. The observation about my husband was simply in stark contrast to the crux of the story which was about the my daughter's much improved behavior as a result of having spent time with some pretty wonderful kids.
    So, I would like to thank the man who e-mailed me his comments for giving me this opportunity to find higher meaning in a personal attack. Unfortunately, he'll never get to experience my gratitude as I've been banished from his reality.
    I guess this is what is meant by the adage "be careful not to throw the baby out with the bath water."

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."

Why Friends Matter

2008-03-31T10:16:08Z

    The best examples are always the ones from real life.
    This past weekend I had an opportunity to experience the importance of friendship and the influence of peer groups. It was an event that involved my daughter but the message provided transcends both age and gender.
    A many of you know from prior entries my daughter, Zoe, is 15 years old and goes to an affluent suburban high school in New Jersey. She's a typical teenager who struggles with all the routine personal and social challenges of her age group. Fortunately, she is in the theater program at this very large school and so, for the most part, her friendships have been formed around this common interest. This helps for the children are creative by nature and share theater as a main focus of their school, and after-school, lives. It does not, however, guarantee anything about ethics, morals, or behavior. As a general rule, those areas remain the ones of greatest challenge to parents.
    It's around these issues of ethics, values and behavior that I witnessed something remarkable this past weekend.
    Zoe's best friend is a neighbor, Emily, who is a year older than she. They met and became friends when we moved here 7 years ago. Both were in public school for these past years and Emily would have been a Sophomore at the same school as Zoe this year but for her decision to transfer to a religious day school. Emily's decision was based upon her discomfort with the cliquishness and materialism of the girls at the public high school. As a result of the transfer, Emily has become much more religious and attends services every Friday night and Saturday.
    This past Friday night, Emily's family invited Zoe and I to join them for Sabbath dinner. It was a heartwarming evening and it was hard to miss Emily's apparent ease with voluntarily assisting her Mother whenever she could. The next morning, Zoe went to services with Emily and some of the other girls in the neighborhood who also attend the religious day school. The girls stayed long after services were over to help the Rabbi's wife serve lunch, clean-up and care the her 6(!) toddlers.
    Now here comes the lesson.
    Zoe, as I said, is a typical teenager. Everything I say is generally either flat-out ignored or just plain wrong because I "don't get it." Every chore she's asked to do goes undone unless it's under duress. However, after spending Friday night watching Emily help her Mom and Saturday with the girls assisting them in helping out the Rabbi's wife in any way they could, Zoe was like a different child. On Saturday night she helped with dinner, cleaned up after the cats, helped clean up after dinner and voluntarily performed several other chores without being asked. She was also more affectionate than usual.
    This isn't a fairy tale it's real life so, no, Zoe's changed behavior hasn't lasted. But what's important about it is that there's no doubt that the influence of her peers was readily observable. In this instance, it was an influence for the highest good. This is not always the case with children based upon their associations.
    It's true that we don't always have a say about who our kids hang out with... but it's also true that we probably have more influence than we think. I can make a concerted effort to cultivate my association with the families of the girls Zoe hung out with and I can further make an effort to attend services more often. I can, and did, praise her for her helpfulness.
    I have always tried to let Zoe know that I value my friends as priceless gifts from the Universe. I am also hopeful she sees that the values and behavior of the women I chose to befriend are consistent with my own. In contrast, my soon-to-be-ex-husband has no friends, not a single one. As such, he has never had the benefit of the support system friendships can provide in helping us become the best we can be.
    This past weekend reminded me of the powerful influence that those around us have upon our own actions. While I'm not saying others absolutely define us, I am saying that we are all human and subject to the effects our environments and associations have upon us.
    The lesson is to know with certainty that it pays to be alert and aware of who we spend our time with and what we are both learning...and teaching...in the process.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, "Too Many Secrets."