It was the end of a long, difficult day that was at the end of a long difficult week that was at the end of a long difficult year.  It was night time and I was lying in my bed, hands covering my eyes, fighting a losing battle to hold back tears of exhaustion and despair.  On my dresser across the room sat a Himalayan salt lamp that gave off a warm glow throughout the room.

Just as I was thinking how the light from that lamp beyond my intertwined fingers seemed to beckon me to find my way through the intervening darkness, I was suddenly transported back in time and space to a fun house I once navigated through as a child. With that memory came an instantaneous tightening in my stomach joined by shallow breathing, as I recalled the feeling of terror I experienced in that dark, cavernous enclosure trying to feel my way through to daylight. As I reached out for something to hold onto that would help me navigate the interior, I recalled feeling terrified of the all the unknown sensations I might possibly encounter.

Now, lying in my bed protected by both time and distance, I dared ask myself “What was it that had been so terrifying in that fun house?” The answer came without hesitation. It was the experience of being reduced to only two things of which I might be certain and upon which I might rely: my own inner voice and the unknown. This realization was, it turns out, the same feeling I am currently experiencing at the end of this long, difficult year.

Going through divorce and the ending to what I believed would be a lasting union, unable to work and on crutches from a fall that resulted in a torn tendon in my foot, I found myself alone and fundamentally unable to care for myself, my daughter, my animals or my home. Yes friends helped out here and there (even my ex-husband stepped up, however briefly). But when for six weeks, just getting showered and downstairs in the morning is about all you can do before feeling exhausted, well-meaning people can only provide so much relief. At the end of the day, and the end of the day has now lasted six weeks, I have been alone with only those same two things I could count on back then in that fun house. My own inner voice and the unknown.

Yet, like the salt lamp whose glow beckoned me to move toward the light across my bedroom, these six weeks have provided their own light. Infinite Light.

Through all of the difficulties (and there have been seemingly new ones heaped upon me each day) I've had the same beckoning sense that I am being shown the way out of the darkness.  I can say that for almost each difficulty, there has been as many signs and miracles letting me know that I am not truly alone….that there is a Presence… a protective and guiding Force… lighting the way. It has been my job, as it was those many years ago, to be open to that Guidance from Within that is the voice of All That Is and, rather than fear the unknown, to reach for it and embrace it fully.

Darkness as a reality and darkness as symbolism is, for many people, associated with fear. I think now I know the reason why. In darkness, we are turned inward as the outer world is diminished or disappears completely, depending on the degree of darkness.  Absent light, we see only our inner selves. We face what it is we really feel. We cannot distract ourselves from the path. We can only “feel” our way through, by reaching out and knowing that we may, along the way, indeed encounter sights and sensations we would prefer to avoid.

But since paradox is the building block upon which our world exists, within darkness exists the most profound opportunity to experience Illumination. Infinite Light does not exist only for all time. It exists in all space. So when you enter into the darkness as I did in that fun house, or as I have done in my life over the past several months, the undeniable knowing of that experience is that Light is Who You Are and it is You Who Lights The Way. You are both the Light and the Way.

Not being Christian, as I write those words I none-the-less hear and feel the message of one of the many Master Teachers who have walked, and continue to walk, this Earth. The teaching is golden.  As is the Light it shines for those who are willing to brave the darkness within.

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