The Way To Peace
Posted by Carole Gold McKay at 9 Mar 2008, 7:13 PM and is filed under uncategorized 
There are times when I think Life is either less than subtle or having a good chuckle at the way in which it "conspires" to teach us vital lessons. Recently, I have come up against one of those times and the lesson seems to be about learning the distinction between compromise and harmony.
I have come to realize how very different these two concepts are and how often we mistakenly seek compromise when it's harmony that would provide the highest good for all concerned. The reason I marvel at Life's occasionally "heavy hand" is because within the past few days I have been given the opportunity to really understand the nuances between these two.
Going through divorce, I am naturally inclined to try and figure out where my husband and I went off track in trying to successfully build a lasting relationship between two people who undoubtedly love one another. As I was working on this very understanding, our daughter is appearing in the high school play, King and I. For those of you unfamiliar with the play, the overriding message is about two people from two different cultures who clash head on in an effort to reach their respective goals. Both are strong-willed and both disinclined to compromise. In the end, their successes arise out of the places where they are able to meet...the places where each is able to
both get what they want as well as honor what the other wants as well.
It's all about allowing and respecting differences. Not tolerating them, but allowing and honoring them.
The cast at the high school is remarkably talented. This, however, is not their most outstanding attribute. They are a diverse group of children from various ethnic and racial backgrounds as equally diverse in their economic standings. However, they have an astonishing spirit of "oneness" that is the basis for their successful cooperation and harmony. They accept and honor their diversity, rather than seeing it as an obstacle. In fact, they are adept at both "give" and "take" in their personal relationships with one another as well as within the confines of the production of the theater department.
As the curtain call was taking place, and the diversity of the cast particularly evident, my friend who had accompanied me to the play leaned over to me and said, "Isn't it amazing how they are so different yet create something so harmonious."
So, there it is. It's my lesson for my marriage but also a lesson for Life, in general. When we compromise, it usually involves a "giving up" or a "giving in" of something we value. And compromise usually done with anything from mild discomfort to outright resentment...from which we rarely recover. A stable and loving future is unlikely built upon such a weak foundation. However, when we seek out where we and another can meet...where we harmonize...where what we each seek is both recognized and honored by the other, then the foundation is built upon honor and acceptance.
Such foundations are strong and able to withstand the blustery winds of relationship that inevitably come around.
Compromise breeds discord. Honoring and acceptance breed harmony.
I suspect that Life will now move on and get it's chuckles elsewhere... conspiring to teach me something else.
I've got this one.
P.S. Remember to click here to download my FREE e-book "TOO MANY SECRETS"
I have come to realize how very different these two concepts are and how often we mistakenly seek compromise when it's harmony that would provide the highest good for all concerned. The reason I marvel at Life's occasionally "heavy hand" is because within the past few days I have been given the opportunity to really understand the nuances between these two.
Going through divorce, I am naturally inclined to try and figure out where my husband and I went off track in trying to successfully build a lasting relationship between two people who undoubtedly love one another. As I was working on this very understanding, our daughter is appearing in the high school play, King and I. For those of you unfamiliar with the play, the overriding message is about two people from two different cultures who clash head on in an effort to reach their respective goals. Both are strong-willed and both disinclined to compromise. In the end, their successes arise out of the places where they are able to meet...the places where each is able to
both get what they want as well as honor what the other wants as well.
It's all about allowing and respecting differences. Not tolerating them, but allowing and honoring them.
The cast at the high school is remarkably talented. This, however, is not their most outstanding attribute. They are a diverse group of children from various ethnic and racial backgrounds as equally diverse in their economic standings. However, they have an astonishing spirit of "oneness" that is the basis for their successful cooperation and harmony. They accept and honor their diversity, rather than seeing it as an obstacle. In fact, they are adept at both "give" and "take" in their personal relationships with one another as well as within the confines of the production of the theater department.
As the curtain call was taking place, and the diversity of the cast particularly evident, my friend who had accompanied me to the play leaned over to me and said, "Isn't it amazing how they are so different yet create something so harmonious."
So, there it is. It's my lesson for my marriage but also a lesson for Life, in general. When we compromise, it usually involves a "giving up" or a "giving in" of something we value. And compromise usually done with anything from mild discomfort to outright resentment...from which we rarely recover. A stable and loving future is unlikely built upon such a weak foundation. However, when we seek out where we and another can meet...where we harmonize...where what we each seek is both recognized and honored by the other, then the foundation is built upon honor and acceptance.
Such foundations are strong and able to withstand the blustery winds of relationship that inevitably come around.
Compromise breeds discord. Honoring and acceptance breed harmony.
I suspect that Life will now move on and get it's chuckles elsewhere... conspiring to teach me something else.
I've got this one.
P.S. Remember to click here to download my FREE e-book "TOO MANY SECRETS"
Carol, I quickly bookmarked your site because of your *very* pithy comments.
Then I read further and found you thought your soon-to-be-ex-husband didn't have a *single* friend.
This can't be true, Carol. People always have friends. You're bitter, and it's coloring you.
I think you're a-little-out-of-touch-if-you-know-what-I-mean.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to delete that bookmark now. I wish you well, but I will not read you any more.
Good-bye, Carol, and Good Luck.
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Joe,
Thank you for your kind words about my blog. I am always gratified to learn that others are moved to thoughtfulness by my writing.
As for my husband, I regret that my statement is accurate based upon my definition of "friend." While we all know people through work and in passing, that does not constitute a friend. If in 16 years he never once had a meeting, drink, meal, or social engagement with anyone other than me and was hospitalized without having one visitor other than our daughter and me, that then makes my statement accurate.
On second thought, you may be correct. He had me.
I am not bitter. The heart is self-regenerating. Love never dies.
I sincerely hope that you reconsider your reaction. If however you choose otherwise, all my best to you on this journey.
Carole
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